When there's tension in our lives that involves another, we immediately create distance. We want space away from them. Now what happens if a different person ignites the same response? What happens if this repeats over the years with different people? Notice a pattern? It's not about a particular person. It's clearly about your response. Simple, yes? Well, no. Not so simple because we're conditioned to notice what's wrong with another (and how they "should" be) but not so much about how to get our own act together. Been there done that.
Here's the general rule I practice for myself that I'm sure will help you. If a behavior is consistently causing you to physically react (anger counts big time) - that is your healing opportunity. Indeed, you may not be in the same exact predicament (or drama), but what you're being drawn to is the Behavior, not the person. Keep that in mind. The good news? It's a sign that a part of you is ready to heal, and you want to do that because it's good for your health, according to research.
So, how do we use this experience to heal ourselves? Start by visualizing the Behavior and practice the following:
1. Visualize the Behavior and notice your body's reaction. Tune in and ask yourself, "Where/How am I exhibiting this behavior?" Listen for the answers that will appear (almost) immediately.
2. Write down and say an affirmation that will further open the healing process. You want it to suggest you will allow yourself to feel the positive opposite of what that Behavior brought up for you. Typically, those behavioral patterns bring up fearful or unsafe feelings from a time we no longer remember. Your affirmation may sound something like, "I allow myself to look and feel safe and loved around (this situation/behavior)." Repeat 3x.
3. Recognize your solutions for that Behavior and write them down. Your initial reactions towards those exhibiting that Behavior might have come with some angry suggestions that you may want to leave out now. Something tells me they may not be useful. Brainstorm more practical, friendlier solutions instead.
Thank those that have helped you recognize your time to heal a behavior that no longer serves you.
To conclude, if your current source of tension is part of a pattern it's something ready to heal within you. You cannot run and hide from this one. It'll only keep coming up. That's just the way energy works. It doesn't disappear, just changes form - to love, of course. Always the energy we heal with is to the energy of love.
Now tell me, who is that healer?
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To be the change you wish to see, you've got to feel it in your bones.