When there's tension in our lives that involves another, we immediately create distance. We want space away from them. Now what happens if a different person ignites the same response? What happens if this repeats over the years with different people? Notice a pattern? It's not about a particular person. It's clearly about your response. Simple, yes? Well, no. Not so simple because we're conditioned to notice what's wrong with another (and how they "should" be) but not so much about how to get our own act together. Been there done that.
Here's the general rule I practice for myself that I'm sure will help you. If a behavior is consistently causing you to physically react (anger counts big time) - that is your healing opportunity. Indeed, you may not be in the same exact predicament (or drama), but what you're being drawn to is the Behavior, not the person. Keep that in mind. The good news? It's a sign that a part of you is ready to heal, and you want to do that because it's good for your health, according to research.
So, how do we use this experience to heal ourselves? Start by visualizing the Behavior and practice the following:
1. Visualize the Behavior and notice your body's reaction. Tune in and ask yourself, "Where/How am I exhibiting this behavior?" Listen for the answers that will appear (almost) immediately.
2. Write down and say an affirmation that will further open the healing process. You want it to suggest you will allow yourself to feel the positive opposite of what that Behavior brought up for you. Typically, those behavioral patterns bring up fearful or unsafe feelings from a time we no longer remember. Your affirmation may sound something like, "I allow myself to look and feel safe and loved around (this situation/behavior)." Repeat 3x.
3. Recognize your solutions for that Behavior and write them down. Your initial reactions towards those exhibiting that Behavior might have come with some angry suggestions that you may want to leave out now. Something tells me they may not be useful. Brainstorm more practical, friendlier solutions instead.
Thank those that have helped you recognize your time to heal a behavior that no longer serves you.
To conclude, if your current source of tension is part of a pattern it's something ready to heal within you. You cannot run and hide from this one. It'll only keep coming up. That's just the way energy works. It doesn't disappear, just changes form - to love, of course. Always the energy we heal with is to the energy of love.
Now tell me, who is that healer?
Letting go has been the theme at The Body Rules Method this past month. Whether in yoga class, workshops or group sessions, students got to experience just what it feels like to live without that energy-drainer. Which one? The one that we've been holding on to for way too long.
For many of us the energy-drainer was a limiting belief, that challenging relationship, or that goal/project that never took off despite all the sweat. It also might have been a dream that was always so close (but not really). Think back to the last few weeks. What have you had to let go? The Universe is supporting you right now. Actually, we're always supported once we're clear about our deepest intentions. Now it's time to move on - mindfully.
As we transition into the Fall season we are encouraged in go inward, to invite a quieter, gentler time for self-reflection and meditation. Yes, folks - this time is for healing.
Much like any other exercise tuning-in to tune out has its own challenges. Some of us want to charge forward at all costs, to keep the motor running on high and to ignore the body's need for grounding and re-organizing. But that's not going to work and your body will let you know that.
Saying goodbye and feeling grateful for the lessons from that which we're letting go is important for our inner state. Our hearts and minds need that closure in order to clarify tomorrow and move into a new sphere of abundance. Are you ready? The Universe is waiting.
It never ceases to amaze me when that certain person finds a happy experience, then brushes it off just as quickly as it appeared. Sometimes, I find that person to be me. That then becomes my cue to get back on the happy trail.
Why do we chase away the happy, joyful, and peaceful moments in our lives with grim, fear-based thoughts? Psychologist and author of Hardwiring Happiness, Dr. Rick Hanson, calls it the negativity bias, our default to dwell in the negative and to avoid enjoying positive experiences due to a primitive brain feature still hanging on. I call it annoying.
No one wants to be the Debbie Downer or Negative Nancy in the room. No one (that I know of) wants to hang out with them either. And that's why I teach and practice these techniques daily. Much like your exercise program keeps you in shape, a daily sensory practice keeps your brain in shape and stops you from thinking you need to defend yourself from, well, anything.
Awareness of your body, of your senses is the ultimate mindfulness practice.
We need daily sensory reminders that we are well, happy in some cases. Thinking it and talking about it just isn't good enough to make that sensory candy stick. Embodiment of feel-good feelings is healthier in every which way you view it - on the physical, mental, spiritual, and social self. There's no longer a need to sweat the small stuff, to continue feeding that stress pattern, or to stress ourselves out for things and people we cannot control.
If you believe you can change your brain, it's never been easier to do so. If you're already practicing sensory awareness or mindfulness, drop me a line and let me know how you're doing.
To be the change you wish to see, you've got to feel it in your bones.